Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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