haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
