i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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