I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
