No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
