you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
