I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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