i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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