Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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