oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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