Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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