I cockslap morals
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sarcasm needs its own font
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
