I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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