Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
