i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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