You made me cry and you don't even care
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
