I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
