Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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