He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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