Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
