dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
