Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
