i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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