I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
