fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
