So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
