I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
