Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
