pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
