handjob tips. give me some.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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