I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
