dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
