i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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