There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
