I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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