Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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