This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
