I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
