k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
