we have officially lost it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
