So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
