you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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