Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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