yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
