Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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