Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
