Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
