Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
