I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
