you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
